The Case of the Missing Bookie

Tuesday p.m. and still no word from my mysterious, wager-placing friend, Rat-tooth Garibaldi. I call him Rat-tooth, but I suspect his mother calls him "Alphonse." But that's not my problem. My problem right now is that in a drunken whirlygig, I bet on Stenhousemuir (second league) instead of Wick Academy (Highland league). Wick Academy lost 1-3, but I have no idea how the Warriors did -- and Rat-tooth is nowhere to be found. Needless to say, I suspect I won, and Rat-tooth figured I'd never know I placed the wrong bet. I been burnin' up the wire looking for a final result on the Stenhousemuir game, and burning up a nice batch of ass-kick for when Rat-tooth shows up with my winnings. Or not. Hell, I have no idea. Trying to find lower division scores is a bitch in and of itself, but when the guy who has a vested and financial interest in knowing these things goes missing, I got a feeling the two are related. It's not like Rat-Tooth is scarce when my pick goes down in flames. No, then he's camped out on my goddamn stoop waiting to gloat and tease me on the Portugese action.
But I stand by my hard-won knowledge of the beautiful game, and I stand by my knowledge of men, especially when it comes to gambling. You can bet on the EPL, because it's a game of men. You can bet on the SPL, because it's a game of angry men. You can bet on the Bundesliga, because the Germans take shit from no one. Likewise for the Danes and Norwegians, and even the Dutch will play the game. But the Portugese are cry-babies of the worst kind. Absolute pansies. The only thing worse than them is the Italians, who had the guts to buy their victories but didn't have brains enough to hide how they did it.
And wouldn't you know it? Alphonse "Rat-Tooth" Garibaldi sounds like he's got a little Italian blood in him. He'll have a little less in him if I find out I won. And if I can find him.
Oh, but I'll find him. By my accounting I'm up $2 on the weekend if the Warriors lost, and $26-something if they won. I'm drinking Ledaig if that happens. Otherwise --- I'm just drinking.